Burn.

I will try to be vague as much as possibly for the delight of anyone who reads this so it may be confusing, scarce and ill-positioned.

I hate it all. I hate it that it should all burn. I should burn. All done by by choices made that put me in place like the sands of time. I wasted and gave up on love, put up for life of liberty and freedom supposedly, so I may venture and be willing in any form of temptation or desire. That I wanted the other and not the love. Its stupid. It all is. Every bit of it.

As much as I think it, even if things are said to be okay, I don't know if it'll ever really be. I've lost love even while in love, wanting else wise while wanting love. I try to ease the heart and say it'll be fine. I'll learn how I am, I'll find my damn self and be free and learn to love love again. But still, why do I have to feel so ready, why do I have to feel okay? I've lost love and I've lost the other. Its not that I want anything. Its not that I want love from the other. I just don't know. I just hate how I can be so unrestricted, so devoid of a barrier, so unrelenting.

So love knows everything, down to the choice I make, the reasons why, and the things I did right after with the Other. The other knows of what I did with love, and will wallow in thinking of being of fault and cause. More mayhem of honesty and the choices made. 

I don't know how I feel anymore. About love, about other, about me. Its funny. I can't write because I'm too lazy to go get the diary in the car to wallow the thoughts. What do I want? What do I need? What am I looking for? Why leave everything for nothing and anything?

People will hate me, people will look down upon me for all this. I know it, and it's started. What words I said, will be lies, what promises be made, will be empty. What hope, will be contempt. Its an endless destruction of something I don't even know whats is.

I just won't know and learn. Forgive me Love, Forgive me Other, Forgive Myself.